i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
