Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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