He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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