I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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