I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this just has baby written all over it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
