when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
