New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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