drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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