you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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