He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
