I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
