A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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