I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
