Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
