don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like eating out sand paper
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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