Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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