and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
