when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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