My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
