i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just puked most of my soul out..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
