My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
