Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
