Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
try to milk me bitch
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