you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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