Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
