I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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