sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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