I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm really busy with my period
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