My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
