Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
