Swine flu is the new snow day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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