I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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