I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
