Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
