Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
