Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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