After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize