i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
