He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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