question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
