swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i came on her dog
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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