You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
