I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
