Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
