Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
