she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
