Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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