I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
