Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
