You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
