I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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