the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
