You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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