If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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