Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
