u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
