so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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