after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I believe in your delicious
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
