So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
