There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
