Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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