4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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