i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
