plz talk dirty to me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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