I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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