I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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