she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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