dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
