? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
