Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
