They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
