I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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