...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
