Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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