..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
