I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
