Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
